Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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