well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize