I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
