Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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