was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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