a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My pussy is not your playground.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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