i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
