I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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