dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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