I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Randomize
