I wannas sexs uuuuu
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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