I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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