looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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