I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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