I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
