Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
