I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
