Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
