In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
