i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
