If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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