As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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