Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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