Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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