So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
