I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
