Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
