Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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