Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She tied me up with her honor cords...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
