he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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