just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
