bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Randomize
