Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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