I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
