Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
