What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
