the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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