Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
