Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
