Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
