He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
