you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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