Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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