Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
