We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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