Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
