Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
