I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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