Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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