No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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