dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
