Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
