Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
