What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
