I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
