she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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