sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
