I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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