I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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