ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
