when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
