His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
