just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
