I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Randomize
