the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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