It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
