I heard we made out
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
