He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You can't just leave with hair like that
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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