if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
