My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
