oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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