For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
