My cat gives me a boner
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Terrible idea I love it
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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