Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
