I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he was CRYING into my vagina
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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