OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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