well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
