So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
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