either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
