Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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