i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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