so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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