Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
