what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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