My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
