dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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