I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
