Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize