a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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