I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize