I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
