ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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