arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
