your room smells of hookers.
And success
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
