If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
