i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
