Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
