Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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