saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
