Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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