the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
