and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
