he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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