Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
