Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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