At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
