I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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