I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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